To him I say thank you. To him I say that life is wonderful for me. To him I say I am glad he existed and I am grateful for him. Why would I be grateful for an absent father?
When my mom was younger (let’s say in her 20’s) she dated my dad; a professional guy who was unavailable. They fell in love and had a prohibited relationship, and from that love I came.
My amazing mother (as I have mentioned her before in other blogs) knew the position she was in and the position he was in. They tried to be part of my life, but as we all know juggling two families really does not work, my mom let him go. She let him go without hate and let him go without attachments. They decided that he can be part of my life but from a distance.
Just imagine if my dad would have been available and ready to start a family with my mom; my life would not be what it is now. It is amazing how our lives are formed with every single decision by our parents and later our own decisions. If my dad would have been present, I guess we would have lived in a big house. I might have had siblings. I might have visited my grandma and my aunt only a few times because they would have lived far away. I would have gone to very good schools. I would have had a whole other family on his side.
But no, that was not the case. Because of his absence, a lot happened. My mom decided to live independent. She had to continue to work and hire a person to watch me. That person was not nice to me, so my mom had to sacrifice her independence and we had to move with my grandma and my aunt.
You might think how terrible it is not to have a dad, how terrible to move because I was traumatized by my care taker (I made a blog about it), how terrible to deal with everything else that came as a consequence of that. But one thing I know I am sure of is that without all of my past, I would not be who I am today.
Thank you, Dad. Because of you, my mom had to move and made me spend the next 20 something years with a bigger family, my grandma and aunt. There are no words to describe my grandma or my aunt. We were blessed to have them, and I was blessed to have an absent dad.
Let's start with my grandma. She was the smartest person I know now. Too bad I didn't think that way before. She looked at the world with eyes of love, compassion, and joy. She believed in the good of people and reacted to problems in a beautiful way. She never had a mean word to say about anyone; she was an angel. She was funny, she was happy. She loved her family with so much power. She showed me the power of love. She was a great example for me and many. Now she is not with us, but when she was, it was fun when she took care of me and fun when it became my time to take care of her. Thank you dad for being absent so I could live with my wonderful grandma.
Now let’s continue with another amazing woman in my life, my aunt. What can I say about her. She is still around and still being a great aunt. To be honest, she was not just an aunt, she was my big sister. She spoiled me so much that sometimes my mom would not agree with her, and my aunt would cry for me the way nobody would. Her soft heart would become hard when someone would hurt me. She protected me, showed me what it was to have emotions and be okay with them. She showed me strength in many ways that she even didn't know. Now we live this new experience of more being friends than just family. She adores my son in ways that I can't explain. Thank you dad for being absent so I could share my life with my wonderful aunt.
Last but not least, my mother. I already blogged about her, so I encourage you to read it. But like her there is not another one. I wish I could be half of the mother she was. She showed me the power of my mind. She showed me that everything is possible. She showed me that we can have an amazing relationship even in the hardest times.
So as a parent I encourage you to look forward to those amazing moments that will come with the pain of the present. I am sure if I ask my mom, she probably had no idea how this prohibited relationship she had with my dad would turn out, but it did well. Was it easy? Sometimes no, but those difficult moments brought me to this destination.
For those single parents, I tell you keep going: it is worth it. The relationship I had and have with my mom now would not be the same if we would not have gone through this together.
And what about my dad? Are you curious? I remember only seeing him a couple of times when I was a kid. But he was not really important to me. When I was an adult already living in the United States, we made contact and exchanged a few emails. And then we stopped communicating. And it was okay. A few weeks ago I found out he is still alive. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me, or if he ever told anybody about his illegitimate daughter. Whatever he did, I am okay with it. Maybe he will get to read this blog, but I’m not sure how.
Again, thank you dad for being absent so I could grow in a wonderful home, together with my mom, grandma and aunt.
I hope you guys enjoy this blog. Do not forget that your experiences in this present moment are shaping your future. Be mindful of that and choose to create an amazing life, one with all kinds of experiences that will get you where you are supposed to be. Be grateful for those that left you and stayed with you, because they will be part of your amazing journey.