This was going to be the title of my book. Yes, believe it or not, I thought I would write a book. So I started to write a few things, and then life happened and I forgot about it. Well, life just didn’t happen, but I adapted, changed, and stopped being the victim. So as I was looking for what to write in my blog number 2, I started to look for what I wrote back in 2004. People, please keep in mind this was 13 years ago. I know, a long, long time ago. As I read, I was amazed to see how I used to feel here in the United States. I was a little ashamed and feeling guilty about it, but then I remembered: I am supposed to own my shit right?! So here I go. Yes, I used to feel that way, and I take responsibility for it.
I will copy just a little part of that woman back in 2004 at 30 years old. Just keep in mind this is not my present feeling. I am not saying either that I am 100% included in this culture because I don’t feel that way either. But it is not because of my American friends. It is just me again. When I go back home, guess what happens: I don’t fit in there anymore, and when I am here, I don’t fit here either. I had to learn to stop being the victim of my circumstances, and I am still working on it. And to accept that this is my life and this is the way I want it for now, because if I wouldn’t want to have this life, guess what, I don’t have a problem changing what does not serve me anymore.
Here it goes a little glimpse of what I wrote back then, later in following blogs I will share more, so stay tuned:
Finally today November 4, 2004 I can start my so imperfect book about America. Why do I want to write about Americans? I really don’t know, but I have so many things on mind that I think they deserve to be out. Since I arrived to this country I wanted to express myself about how I felt here. But I could not do it because, in spite of this is the country of freedom, you don’t have it. The United States is wonderful, but I can’t stand living here. The United States is developed, but I feel so undeveloped here. The American dream, which dream? It is a nightmare.
Don’t take it wrong; this is a beautiful country. It is amazing how Americans are so proud to be Americans. I wish I was proud of being a Peruvian when I was living there. But that is not how parents raised you, at least not mine. A lot of people actually come, to have this dream, the dream that we see in the comedy shows or in the movies. Guess what it is not true!!!!
As you can see, I was not really comfortable with my circumstances. And now I remember so many things I used to complain about and how many things I actually ended up doing anyway after complaining about them. To give an example, I remember it would drive me crazy how much were people remodeling, painting their own walls, and always trying to update their houses. Well, a few years later, guess what? Yep, I painted my own walls. :) Another one was (Oh, my God!) Coloradans running and exercising like maniacs! Stop asking me to go for a hike or for a walk on your trails!! LOL, now I enjoy so much Colorado’s beautiful nature and how fulfilling it is to actually walk on the trails.
I remember planning to move back to Peru as soon as my husband finished with school. After trying and seeing that it was not going to happen for us, I had two choices, to continue to be the victim and be miserable or just get over it. I finally realized at some point (I don’t remember the exact year) that this was my choice, to stay. It took tears, determination and hope until I finally changed my perspective from years ago.
I would like to finish by saying this. I don’t know your circumstances. You might be enjoying life to the fullest with zero victimization and no problems or fears whatsoever. Or you could be like me back in 2004, uncomfortable where you are, or with who you are, or just tired of that feeling. You have the power to change it. Don’t let anybody tell you contrary to that. If you want it, it can happen.
See you in my next blog. Not done with Americans yet. Lots to talk, lots to scream and lots to laugh. Remember I am married to one!!!!